We need other people in order to get things done in the world. We need other people to get to know ourselves, see ourselves, overcome ourselves and do the work on being our better self. But finding the line between collaboration and support and using another for your own conscious or unconscious ends is a really touch line to find, at least for me. I bring this up because I just did it again. To someone lovely, and I want to take ownership for it. There is no 'right' and 'wrong' in this conversation, but that I wasn't able to listen, hear and respect another person for anything other than my own process. It wasn't two people working together off one another. It was me chasing some 'truth' at the expense of what was real. I am not sure if this post makes sense, or it is the type of thing that one posts. I am not sure about blogging at all. But I am sure that I crossed a line, and in doing that I feel grateful to be able to try again. Namaste, bitches.
Harder than in my head
In my head, doing things in the world is so easy. I just make a few calls, talk to a few people, explain the virtue and fun of my mission and then stuff happens. Basically the opposite of my experience actually doing things - where at every step there is enough to make me collapse and give up. Take those stockings. The Namaste, bitches ones. 500 of which have been in my apartment in a big cardboard box for the last year. The idea that had been in my head for 3 years before that. And then finally finding a way to get printing on stockings and get them made. And then the realization that I need to put them in a package and choose some art and take them to stores or advertise and and and. Each step has been pain for me - mostly because in my head it's all hurray and wooohooo - and experience not reflected in the world. (Which I am not clear why not.) But I guess it has to do with the fact that every article about some successful entrepreneur is like "it's just so natural, i am so passionate, i have a great team..." So let me tell you - if you are feeling badly about not getting the magic in your head out in the world - don't be hard on yourself. It's so much harder than they tell you. And you can do it but it will take facing all the blocks you have inside you and in the world. And it won't be easy. And you might have 500 Namaste, Bitches stockings and 200 hand woven scarves from Guatemala co-ops in your apartment on the floor for a year but you can do it. And you can email me and ask me for encouragement and to post and whatever. Because maybe it's worth it? we'll see. I am just now after decades of blundering, just at the beginning.
Oh, le blog
I am not sure why the idea of blogging has always felt a bit beyond me. I have promised to try it for a long long time. This is me trying. Please help. Oh, le blog. May I honor the meaning you can offer by engaging with you.